Wednesday, May 29, 2013


As some of you know, I busted out a can of whup grass on my lawn on Tuesday, after it had been neglected for 11 whole days! When I was finished, I took a tour around the yard with great pride, admiring my handiwork. It was at that point that my "other" neighbor asked to borrow Lil' Red, my mower. I had sworn not to loan her to "that" neighbor, but I did, on the promise that her boyfriend, and not one of her sons, would do the mowing. Well, it so happened that while her boyfriend was mowing, the bolt holding on the blade sheared off. Nobody was hurt, thank goodness, and he was most apologetic, offering to pay for repairs, etc. 

I told the fellow I could fix it...not to worry. I tinkered with Red for a bit, assessed what I needed, and then came in to do some research on the Interwebz. I found what I was looking for, and also was reminded that my mower is pretty much the same design as several models of Troy-Bilt and Bolens mowers, both of which are sold by Lowe's. So I got up this morning and went over there (it's less than a mile from our house). I found the blade adapter kit I needed, and it was only 8 bucks! I also bought a new blade, as my old one had some serious dings in it (from my yard, for the record, which is why I take some responsibility for the bolt breaking). I'll take the old one to my father's shop in August and put a good edge on it, so I will have a nice sharp blade for next spring! 

Anyway, I also bit the bullet and bought a rather expensive set of easy-out screw/bolt extractor bits (20 bucks). I came home, borrowed Mr. Ken's drill, and within a half hour or so, I had extracted the broken bolt and outfitted Lil' Red with a new blade! 

It was at that point that I asked myself "what would Jesus do?" Seems Jesus is a bit busy, what with Syria and all, so John the Baptist answered. 

I told JTB that I had tried to do a good deed by loaning my neighbor my mower so that her boyfriend could mow the lawn that surely was not pleasing to anyone's eyes, but that the mower had broken and the neighbor's boyfriend had said he would pay for it, somehow, but, you know John, you can't squeeze blood from a turnip! John said, "what's a lawn?" So I explained as to how we plant grass and nurture it and groom it, so that it is pleasing to us, and we take great pride in this. 

John was perplexed! " plant animal fodder, and then you don't raise goats on it? Goats will give you milk and meat for the table, and hair and skin for clothing! Instead, you cut this 'lawn' with an infernal machine that makes most unpleasing noises and fouls the very air you need to breathe to stay alive?" 

Yeah, something like that. So JTB told me to abandon my machines, simplify my life, and become a shepherd of men. He said that's what Jesus would do. Ugh. Leave it to John to be blunt...I guess being beheaded for your beliefs will do that to you. 

So I asked myself what my father would do. That was easy. My father would repair the mower, and then go finish mowing the neighbor's yard, just to make sure the mower was truly "repaired." 

So that's just what I did.


The Bug said...

You are fabulous in almost every way (almost - ha!). Maybe we should follow JTB's advice - except with sheep :)

Bruce Taylor, a.k.a. Catalyst said...

I just KNEW that ending was coming. You are too kind, Professor!

Lowandslow said...

That was very kind of you. Now listen to JTB and get rid of that infernal machine. Lawns were invented by the Devil, I'm certain, around 1910. Civilization has been going downhill ever since :)